“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it,”

— Paulo Coelho

Trauma changes a person. It changes how they move through the world. It changes how they see the world. The darkness is darker. The light is brighter. It cracks the psyche. The ego destroyed, as we realize the world can, in fact, touch us. Hurt us. Bend us. Decide our fate. Some things we do not have control of. Most things, if we are truly honest. This is not always an easy realization. We believe if we are surrounded by friends and family. If we have a good job. A place to call home. We believe we can hide from the shadows. That our doors will not be darkened. That we will be the lucky ones. The chosen ones. The ones life favours.

But, I am learning, at some point, we will all be touched by trauma. Our loved ones will die. People we love will be diagnosed with cancer. Get sick. Get in accidents. Our houses might burn down. Our bodies will all falter as we age. It is likely, at some point in our lives, we will get depressed. Many of us will have panic attacks. Some will consider taking their own lives. Life is fucking hard. Even for those who are dealt the best hands. Still, life is difficult. Trauma touches us all. Trauma changes us all.

For awhile, if I am honest, I did not want to admit how much trauma changed my view of the world. It is not easy to live in a world, once the colours have been altered. My bullshit meter is so sensitive that sometimes it is difficult to exist. So many of the things I used to care about seem stupid to me now. Pointless. Unimportant. It is so hard for me to pretend I care. I guess that is because I don’t. At least enough to bother with it. Some things. Most things. Really do not matter as much as we think they do.

I want to enjoy life, as much as I can while I am still here. On this beautiful planet. While my children still spend their days with me. While my body still allows me to do so. I want to eat amazing food. Spend time with interesting people. Travel to far away lands. Become friends with strangers. Do something I love. Follow my heart and build my dreams. As the days go by, I am realizing more and more, the only way forward is to live in my truth. To do the things I enjoy. To share the world with my kids. Showing them all of its beauty. Teaching them that we have been given more than our share.

I wonder, had the accident never happened. Had life gone by unchecked. No trauma. Less fear. Less doubt. Less overcoming. Less change. Would we still be in this place? Trying to find a way to be normal, when normal is no longer possible. Learning to embrace this new reality. Accepting change. Chris and I, to the best of our abilities, have tried to live this trauma honestly. We have tried to allow it to move through our bodies. To become familiar with it. To allow it to be. To open to it. This was not easy. It was brutal. It was raw. It was visceral. It was living with fear. Sitting with it.  Holding its hand. And maybe. Maybe because of this, we have been fundamentally changed. We have grown into people we can be proud of. We both know we are not perfect, but we are learning to accept ourselves anyways.

So, now it is time to dream. We are in the early moments of living a life we could only imagine. It is time to become the people we are becoming. To embrace life as a butterfly does, as we leave the chrysalis, opening our eyes to the beauty of the sky. To test our wings, and follow our hearts. I get this sounds cheesy. I have been through enough to know that. But here is the thing. When you have lived through what we have lived through, there are just a few choices. Cheesy survivors who dare to dream is one of the good ones. Thankful for the clarity we have been given. Still full of hope, knowing there is beauty in even the darkest of nights. Sometimes we still struggle. Sure we do. That’s life. But, we are ready to accept that normal is something we will never be again. We have been changed. We are no longer willing to take less than the extraordinary. Because, another day is not promised to any of us. Things can change in an instance. We belong to the group who knows. Who understands. Life is fragile. Life is a gift. So, why not dare to dream?