“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who do not. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

― José N. Harris

Sometimes we have no choice but to walk away. From something. From someone. There comes a point, when the only healthy choice is to leave situations or people behind. Not looking back to see if they are following. No longer waiting for them to catch up. When we have gotten to the point where we don’t want them to try to get us back. When we don’t want them to plead with us to stay. When their apologies mean nothing. They are just air. Words spoken into the wind. Our ears closed to them. Our minds made up.

After the accident things have become clearer. More pure. There are no spots on the windows through which we see. Nothing to blur the image. We just observe. We see things for how they are. For how they have always been. I believe we know when we are hurting someone. I believe we know when we are being unkind. When we are taking care of ourselves and our needs. Before those of others. Before those of our loved ones. Before those we profess to love who are struggling before us. I believe we know. Always. Every single time. I know when I look back in my life, I can pinpoint the times I made a choice to put my needs in front of someone else. Knowing it would hurt them. Knowing the pain I would cause. I was not confused. I did it deliberately. I made a choice. Upon reflection and with growth, I can look back at those times and acknowledge. I can acknowledge I was wrong. I was unkind. I was selfish.

After a trauma. After an accident. Things become clear. We do not have the time or the energy to deal with other people’s drama. We do not have time to engage in the petty. We do not have the strength to let in any more hurt. So, when surrounded by petty and drama, we isolate. We do not isolate because we are weak. We do not isolate because we are punishing. We isolate because we are smart. Intelligent. We know that toxic relationships cause too much harm. We know we are vulnerable. That we are fragile. So, we curl up into a ball. We create a shield around ourselves. Around our family. We only let in a chosen few. We only let in the ones who will not damage us further.

On this journey. On this path. Through the world of trauma. We have learned. We have learned and we have become stronger. Wiser. Kinder. But, less forgiving. Less allowing of the selfishness of others. We went through a tremendous amount of pain after the accident. Our world was torn apart and our eyes were opened. We have learned to accept that the world is full of imperfect people. And though we try not to carry anger. And though we try not to hate. We do try to allow. To allow ourselves to acknowledge that some people hurt us. Some people. They do damage. Some people, we have no choice but to walk away from. Because, they have not grown enough. They have not reflected enough. They have not stopped. Trying to inflict what it is they need to inflict. So they can feel safe in their world. So they can tell themselves they are right.

So, we walk away. We turn our backs on them. We break up with them. We tell them not to follow. Not to bother. Because they do not deserve us anymore. They have made choices and they have stood by them. They have taken instead of given. They have caused more pain instead of easing it. They have caused hurt instead of healing. They have thought about themselves in a time that was not about them. When we needed them the most. When we were the most vulnerable. They chose to punish. To inflict. To judge.

I think this is common after a trauma. I do not believe it is the exception to the rule. One thing I have heard and read over and over again, when living through trauma, is that people isolate. Traumatized people isolate. They isolate themselves. They often end up alone. It is usually spoken about as though it is a negative. And I suppose in many ways it is negative. But it is not on the traumatized person. They are not the negative. Traumatized people isolate because, in the beginning, they are not strong enough to deal with the people in their lives who do them harm. Whether that person be friend or family. They are not strong enough to protect themselves from the toxins. So they create a barrier around themselves. They isolate.

But then the times comes. The time comes when they are no longer weak. When they have survived the storm. When they have become warriors, not just survivors. When they are stronger than they have ever been. When they see the world clearer than they have ever seen it. When they are wiser than they have ever been. When they do not need to protect themselves as much. The walls start to come down. They finally say, no more. They say, I saw how you treated me when I was vulnerable. I saw how you treated me when you thought I was too weak to protect myself. When you knew I couldn’t fight back. I saw how you treated me when you thought I had no one. When you thought you had all the power. I saw how you treated me. I saw you. And now I am walking away.